Silence Isn’t Always Peaceful: Elder Abuse in Indian Families

Silence isn't always peaceful

Sometimes, silence means someone is carrying fear.

Lately, I have found myself thinking more about the older people in our lives—our parents, grandparents, uncles and aunties. They are the ones who built the foundation for us. They raised children, moved across borders, worked tirelessly to give the next generation more comfort and opportunity.

But in their later years, many of them find themselves alone, and sometimes even afraid.

Respect and the Pressure to Stay Silent

The idea that older people in our communities might be mistreated is something most of us don’t want to face. In many cultures, especially in Indian families like mine, we grow up being taught to deeply respect our elders. That respect often becomes part of our identity. Yet, what happens when that same cultural value creates pressure to stay silent?

Too often, older people feel unable to speak up when they are mistreated.

Recognizing Elder Abuse in Indian Families

Abuse of older people doesn’t always look the way we imagine. Elder abuse in Indian families often goes unnoticed because it hides behind gestures that seem respectful on the surface. It might not be loud or obvious. It can take the shape of control: like handling someone’s money without involving them in decisions, or not allowing them to see their grandchildren. It might look like constant criticism, being excluded from conversations, or not being taken seriously.

Sometimes, it looks like kindness with conditions.

Many older migrants, especially those who have moved here with their adult children, feel incredibly grateful. They are thankful for being cared for, and that gratitude can stop them from expressing when something feels wrong. They don’t want to disrupt family peace, or be seen as ungrateful. So they stay quiet.

Concern Starts with Noticing

But when an older person hands over their pension or savings and no longer has access to it, that is not just a family decision—this is a serious concern that deserves our attention. When they stop attending social events, lose confidence, or seem nervous in their own homes, it may be time to ask gentle questions.

Honoring Elders Beyond Rituals: Mathru devo bhava, pitru devo bhava

Our scriptures teach us, "Mathru devo bhava, pitru devo bhava" - mother and father are like gods. Respecting our elders means more than offering food or shelter. It means preserving their dignity and their independence. It means listening to them even when it is uncomfortable. It means making space for them to speak.

Every Day Is a Chance to Check In

June 15 is World Elder Abuse Awareness Day. Around this time, we are asked to reflect on how we treat older members of our community. But this is not just about a date on the calendar. This is about taking responsibility, every day, to ensure the people who once cared for us are now being cared for in return.

If you are reading this and thinking of someone who may be feeling isolated, overlooked, or silenced, take a moment to check in. Not in a rushed or routine way, but with patience and curiosity. Ask how they are. Listen without interrupting. Encourage them to share what they need, not just what they are given.

We owe it to them.

Because being older should not mean being invisible. It should mean being respected, included, and safe.

Let’s break the silence.